My Best Friend

The most common essay topic for all primary standards and you would wonder why I chose this after my post graduation. Strange huh? Well many things in life are strange and unexplainable & so is my Best Friend! Strange not cause of the individual he is but the way he is. That by far I have seen and met many individuals who are different and unique or probably even indifferent. But this friend is strange because of the toll of life that has brought us to a stage where we share the most indefinable relationship. A unique bond that goes beyond words and expressions. And that is why I want to introduce you and let you share my space with My Best Friend……

We met and became friends in the most common way in college, nothing out of the ordinary. We shared an amazing rapport and spent most of our time talking about whatever our imaginative minds could think of. Time never seemed sufficient and everyday seemed short for the varied topics we wanted to converse about. We had to most often abruptly end our conversations due to other friends popping in either asking us to part and go home or give their so called “party to the discussion” views. No matter what be the case and who stood by our side, we were there for each other. We had to share the smallest of information we got and needed the other person’s point of view on that. Just an “All will be fine” from him made me so much stronger. It felt as though everything was so dependant on the other person that not discussing something made us feel restless.

It was therefore not unusual for people to pair us up for the mere fact that we spent hours together in and outside the college campus. Hours walking ad talking and then halting to catch a breath, but our conversations went on and on. But who the hell cared? We didn’t.

We were purrfect soulmates!!!!

While I ve been introducing you to my friend, I realized that I ve not bothered to let out his name. His name was Pawan… and oops did I say WAS?

The irony of life began one sunny morning when Pawan and I did not have anything to talk about. When he sat right next to me and looked in my direction hoping that I would say why I was the way I was. But I remained silent and the silence between us never broke. Pawan met with a train accident that evening and the next I saw him was the following morning. Pawan lay stiff on the ICU bed and all I could see were tubes and machines. Machines to monitor his heart rate, his pulse, his blood pressure, his oxygen level, tubes for which were clamped to his hand and feet. The intravenous line on his right arm with blood being injected at 1 drop per second. He really seemed to need it. His head was shaved bald and the oxygen mask covered a large portion of his pale white face. The doctor diagnosed that the left lobe of his brain had been injured causing comatose. He did not stop there. He went on to tell us that Pawan would be a mere vegetable if he survived and that his recovery to normalcy would only be a miracle. How motivating, wasn’t he? But I guess it was just another comatose patient for the doctor and he did no have any attachments whatsoever with the helpless soul occupying the ICU bed.

Its been 7 years since then and my Best Friend still lies in the same comatose state, now at home and not in the hospital. I meet him every year for his birthday and wish he came back to life on one of the days. I wish he looks at me and smiles and I can say “It’ll all be fine, my friend”. I wish I could go back in time to the day when we sat by each other and did not say a word. I wish I could tell him “ I need to talk to you.” I wish, I wish, I wish and it’s only wishes I have for him. Wishes that he gets back the twinkle in his eyes that I was so fond of, the voice in his throat that I was so used to, the strength in his arms that I always depended on, the stability in his feet that I trusted to show me the right way through unknown roads, life in his lifeless body that I need and miss so much! All of this and so much more; so that every time we are together we have words to share and not blank gazes, I have a hand to shake and not a weak radius and ulna, I have him sit up for me and not lie down as an unresponsive vegetable that the doctor claimed he would be.

I want him to prove them all wrong. Prove to the world that miracles do happen. That my trust in our indefinable unspoken friendship holds true. And that there can be an undemanding and yet successful friendship.

I WANT HIM BACK, BACK TO LIFE. HE IS AFTERALL MY BEST FRIEND!!!!

Destiny, i believe

There was nothing going right in Ria’s life. All seemed to be a mess. Mom was barely home, after having spent 15 days on the boring hospital bed. She had been recently diagnosed of cellultis in the right foot and had to be operated for it urgently. Ria had no choice but to take time off from college and admit mom under her diabetologist’s care in a nearby hospital. Dad was old and often complained of a stomach upset. Ria had no time to check on him at that time. She managed to run to the closest ATM and withdraw the deposit the hospital demanded before she admitted mom. How would Ria even know that the hospital did not accept credit cards? However, all she remembered was what dad said when she left home with mom. He had said, “Ensure you get mom a good room and get the operation scheduled as soon as possible.” And thats exactly what Ria ensured.

In those 15 days, Ria cooked, managed the home, ensured dad went to a good doctor to get himself checked, stayed over at the hospital in the night with mom, and even wrote tests in her B school. She still wore her smile and took it all in her stride as though all was fine and she could manage. Not for a moment did she seize to believe that whatever was happening, was for the good and that GOD had a plan for her.

Handling all of this barely left her with any time for herself. She did not remember the last time she had taken some time off to instrospect on whats happening in her life. she just went on. The day mom reached home, was a day was relative rejoice. Relative; since mom was back, but dad was advised a list of tests to be conducted. Ria could not leave mom alone and neither could she let dad go all by himself. The only person she could think of at that time was Jai. Jai was an old college friend and Ria could most definitely bank on him for help and support. Jai was sweet enough to take time off from work and accompany dad to the hospital for his tests. Ria patiently waited at home till Jai & dad returned. this time it was no good news at all. the doctors suspected a tumour in the pelvis region. Malignant or not was what the reports would confirm the next day.

That night was so difficult for Ria! Jai had called Ria several times to check on how she was doing. he knew she would never speak her heart, but he tried. he tried his best to be by her side. He kew thats all she needed.

Dad was diagnosed of Colon Cancer and Ria’s world fell apart. The only two things that kept Ria going were dad’s will power to survive and Jai’s never ending support. Jai had kind of become omnipresent for her. He was just always there. Jai stayed with Ria and mom on the day of the operation and helped Ria with all the formalities and monetary transactions that were involved in an operation of that nature. Ria ensured mom was not told about the malignancy of the tumour. She kept it all to herself and stayed strong. All this only till she saw dad being moved from the opeartion theatre to the ICU; semiconscious, breathing hard, oxgen mask on the face and eyes shut. She exchanged a glance with Jai and he knew she was broken; from within. After dad settled on the ICU bed, Jai and Ria spent a few moments together on the visitor’s couch. They did not say a word. They did not feel the need to. But Jai sat by her side and smiled at her and said,”the operation is successful. Dad will be home soon. Dont worry. All will be fine.” Ria had never thought Jai would end up being such a strong support system for her. They were hardly friends in college.

When dad was moved to the private room, Ria informed both her sisters of his well being. Sia (the oldest of the 3) had filed a divorce and Tia (the middle sister) was herself suffering from a liver failure and was unable to travel.

Ria was closest to Sia and looked upto her for advise. But it was Sia who now needed help and encouragement. She was going through a bad patch in her life. Sia had had a love marriage and it lasted a good ten long years. Sia kept telling Ria that what she is going through should not influence her at all, but Ria knew that it was already playing on the back of her mind.

Ria often spoke to Jai about Tia and her health and together they explored options of liver transplants. All through these days, Jai and Tia only got closer to each other. Ria was kind of getting used to Jai. And she wondered why.

It was in the midst of all this confusion that Jai had once spoken to Ria about his feelings towards her. He had confessed that he was in love with her from the time they were in college, but Ria had no time to pay heed to all of this. Besides, she did not feel the same towards him. He, for her was just another ‘good friend’. But as days passed by, Ria started giving it a second thought. She realised that everytime Jai was not around, she found something amiss. And how could he be just a friend. Everytime she was upset, he would call as though he knew there was something wrong. Whenever she was upset, he would say the wackiest of things to bring a smile onto her lips. Jai had changed so much since college days. But Ria was sure he was not the kind of man she wanted to spend her life with. he was a close friend and thats exactly how she wanted it to be.

The year was about to end and Ria needed a break from the mundane life that she had led for the past 11 months. She had also completed her MBA by then. Ria decided to take a break and go spend some time with Tia in Goa. Before she left for Goa, she had spoken to Jai about her wanting to undergo tests to check if she would qualify to donate a part of her liver to Tia so that she could also get back to normalcy. He was completely in support of it. While Ria moved in with Tia, Jai visited mom and dad on a regular basis to check how they are doing. Dad relied completely on Jai for any help. Jai had even run errands fo mom over the weekend.

While in Goa, Jai and Ria could not speak to each other everyday. They exchanged mails and chatted online when Jai was free. He had already taken up a job by then. Ria had so much to share with Jai. Everyday she would write to Jai as though she wrote her diary. The details, the events, the mysteries, the tragedies, it was all there.. And then something suddenly struck Ria. While she read through some of the mails she had written to Jai, she realised she had not only found a friend and confider but also someone she deeply trusted and expressed her emotions towards. With him, ther was no pretence. For Ria, Jai was already family. Whether that happend while mom and dad were unwell, or while Ria went through the mental trauma of Sia’s divorce or when she sobbed bitterly in his arms on hearing about Tia’s liver malfunction; She did not know when. All she knew that he came into her life when she needed him the most. He came in as a friend and potrayed to be just as he was. Knowing fully well that Ria would have never envisaged her man to be like him, he remained himself and loved her with all his heart.

And it was then that Ria realised that it is not the image we have in our minds that we fall in love with. Sometimes, we fall in love with the person who is contrary to the image we ve had and yet feel so special and close to that person.

On new year’s eve, as Ria and Jai walked away from the party crowd with a glass of wine in their hands, Ria wispered something that took Jai off his feet. Ria said, “You are my destiny. You are the one i want to spend my life with. You are the one who brings sunshine into my life when its all gloomy. You are the one i would love to walk on a never ending road, cause i know with you, you will find a way. You are the one, i would love to see a smile on, cause everytime you smile, it reminds me of all the moments you smiled and it translated into hours of happiness for me. You are the one, who walked into my life, when i had nothing to offer and yet you gave me all you had. You are the one, i am destined to be with, cause with you i do not see a moment of sadness and with you joy is all i have. Even in moments of pain, having you with me reassures me that together we will smile along.. no matter how difficult it may seem” With you, you are my DESTINY….DESTINY, I believe!!!!

One Night Stand

Anjali entered her apartment after Shivesh had dropped her right upto her doorstep. He always did that to ensure they got to spend those few extra moments with each other. Shivesh was indeed madly in love with her and Anjali had recently succumbed to his persistence.

However Shivesh was far from the so called “ideal” man Anjali had ever imagined. An introvert by nature, a man of few words n friends, Shivesh was a complete loner who found his love in the loud, full of life, talkative Anjali. By far Anjali and Shivesh had nothing in common except their liking for each other and the fundamental principles by which they lived. But a happy couple so to say!

Entering her lonely apartment all by herself was something Anjali detested the most. She loved people and so did they. Therefore, Anajali ensured she had company before she hit her bed. Catching up with old books n music was company enough for her.

Just when Anjali had changed into her pyjamas and was about to slip into bed, her cellphone beeped a message. Thinking that it would be Shivesh who had reached home and messaged to check if she was ok, she tucked herself into the blanket and clicked on the message to read, “Hi. I’m in town and would love if we could connect up. Miss u… Rahul”. Anjali sprang out of her bed on reading this.

Rahul was Anjali’s oldest schoolmate and schoolmate could easily be replaced by “partner in crime”. They hit the roof with their laughter and painted the town red with their pranks when they studied together at St. Xaviers in Bangalore. Somehow, they lost touch with each other after their 10+2; when Rahul’s parents decided to send him abroad to study medicine. Anjali had stayed back and studied medicine in India to become a successful gynaecologist. Rahul on the other hand always wanted to be a cardiologist. He often joked and said “It is the heart that causes all the miseries to a man including the one you would treat to cure”. He did not believe in love but loved to enjoy life and live it to the fullest. Anjali had her worst contender in Rahul and Rahul found his best confider in Anjali.

When Anjali read Rahul’s message, she immediately picked up the phone to dial into his number. It was answered by a suave, matured and resonant voice. Rahul had changed so much. He did not sound like the prankster he was and Anjali wished she could see him this one time to capture the change with her own eyes. But as destiny had its way, Anjali and Rahul could only have a telecon at midnight. Afterall Anjali had a packed schedule with hospoital visits and two surguries lined up for the next day.

On a cold winter night, Anjali could feel the warmth in Rahul’s voice, who spoke about all that happened in the past few years and how he missed the days they spent with each other. They spoke about school and school friends, medicine and science, Bangalore and Bombay, love and life and then there was a pause… Anjali did not want to tell Rahul about Shivesh. There was something that held her back from talking about him. On the contrary, Rahul spoke to Anjali about how he believed that it was important to have someone special in one’s life, though he clarified several times during their conversation that he did not have any such person in his life. And they went on, they had so much to talk about. They wanted to share every little information, every incident that reminded them of each other, every topic on which they had debated and today agreed to disagree; they had so much in common!

Thats what suddenly struck Anjali and a shiver went down her spine. Rahul still meant so much to her and even after 10 years of distance, they had loads they could share views on. They did not always agree with what the other person said, but they shared. That night Anjali shared with Rahul her happiness, her victories, her pain and her insecurities. She felt as though she had shared a part of her life with Rahul. She felt as though she lived those 10 years with Rahul all over again. And she was thrilled! But she wanted more… More time, more of these long conversations, more moments like these and maybe even more of Rahul! She could not speak further when Rahul said he was standing in his hotel balcony that overlooked the beach, the same place they loved to meet. The place that witnessed their togetherness in friendship and pain, in joy and in anger.

Anjali froze as the clock ticked five a.m. She had actually spent the entire night with Rahul. And he had been her companion through every moment of the long dark journey. They witnessed dawn together for the first time in all the years they had known each other. As the sun prepared to break through the darkness of the night, Rahul and Anjali also had to break away from each other and go back to their respectives lives. It seemed so difficult. It almost felt as thought they were not only ending that call, but ending the special bond they had relived after so many years.

That night, Rahul had touched Anjali’s life in a very special way. In a way no one ever had; probably not even Shivesh. That one night changed everything between the two of them.

As Rahul stood overlooking the sea and Anjali lay on her bed, both pondered on what they expected of life. Anjali wondered if she wanted to cut off from her yearlong relationship with Shivesh and go back with Rahul, the only guy she had ever loved and longed to live with. And Rahul, who had a 10:00a.m flight back to New Jersey, thought if he would let go of his life there just for her? He wonderd if he would be able to come back to India hoping that some day Anjali would be his?

Was that one night influential enough to change the paths the two had already troden and take a new route altogether?

Was it true love that they had discovered or was it just a ONE NIGHT STAND???

Love hurts

I feel the pain, i cannot cry,

It hurts to say the reason why

i fear the most the one so close,

has today caused me so much remorse

the one i love, the one i care,

the only one who would ever dare

has causd me this, has gone away

it is only memories that eventually stay

he turned his back on words untold

my eyes did speak but they could not hold

the tears that rolled, the love they showed

its just a farse is what i was told

i tried to shrug, to break it free

but deep within i had to let it be

it hurt so much to even say

i love you dear, lets smile away

the words we said the words that hurt

lets let it go, lets not revert

to what you said and what i felt

lets forgive n forget thats all i meant

but he let not speak, and the night just passed

i wept and slept, reasons unasked.

why?Today i would like to know

is being in love so had to show

why do i hold back my love for you

only to discover this part anew!!!

Baarish!

Wo barish ki boondein jab hume choo jaati hain,

Bachpan ki yaadein yaad aati hain,

Chahte hain hum ki laut aye wo pal,

Wo khushi, wo hasee jisme hum jee jaate hain

 

Wo samandar ka kinara,Baadlon ka garajna,

Mitti ki sondhi khushboo,Phoolon ka khilna,

Patto ki sarsarahat, khidkiyon ki khadkhadahat,

Yu lage jaise dastak diye hue sunu unki aahat

 

Wo mohobbat ke kisse, Bhege hue lab,

Sardi mein ho jab haathon mein haath

Ek chata, bahut sara pyaar,

Wo nazdikiyon mein kisi khaas ka saath

 

Bas barish hi to hai, phir kyu jhoom uthta hai man,

Ek mausam ke badalne se, kyu badhti hai umang,

Khushi ka tarana gungunati huye,

Kyu naach uthta hai man, har boond ke sang..

 

Dilemma!

When words fail you and yet you want to try expressing, what do you do? When tears choke you and yet refuse to show, what do you do?

When you are happiest and something pains you from within, what do you do?

When the world is by your side but you await that one pending approval, what do you do?

When you seem lonely in a crowd for a fraction of a second, what do you do?

When you laugh aloud and miss the company of another’s laughter, what do you do?

When you know what you need to do and yet don’t know how to do it, what do you do?

Is having a direction that important that you feel lifeless when you fail to understand ‘what to do!’

A man’s mind

It is all in the mind I see,

 

the gasping of breath and clasping of hands.

 

The attractive demure of the woman to me.

 

For I am a man, in my mind I can see,

 

the eyes of my beauty, the untouched body,

 

a serene smile through those subtle unopened pink lips.

 

My heart prays that she be mine,

 

my mind resists the temptation I have.

 

For all I can see is all in my mind,

 

don’t know if that’s what her eyes want to witness.

 

If only I could be a man of the heart,

 

with no mind to tell me I am wrong,

 

if only I could feel her in my arms and not open my eyes to the truth of the world.

 

She would be mine and I hers,

 

untouched, unspoken, pure and eternal…….